Brand it like Beckham: how football’s most shameless shill is cashing in on the World Cup

American viewers of this World Cup are being subjected to a very peculiar form of water torture. Every hydration-break television commercial is sponsored by Lenovo, so we are subjected, on repeat, to the same ad starring David Beckham. The sixth-best player on the Manchester United treble-winning team of 1999 may not be the first person that comes to mind as you sift through options when buying a laptop. Yet here he is, acting like some plucky founder of a start-up, which he’s not, rather than playing the part of the most shameless shill in the history of football, which he is. And always has been.

At half-time of every match, Beckham is back on our screens. Sometimes he’s perched on a stool in a bar where fans are celebrating something with such gusto that beers are flying through the air in slow motion. As Elvis Presley croons Can’t Help Falling in Love on the freshly splattered jukebox, the former England captain cradles a glass of Stella Artois that remains fully intact, untouched by the chaotic revelry. Of the players who togged out for United and England during his glory days, he’s probably not in the top 20 you’d fancy going on the lash with. Yet, the Belgian brand (now owned by Anheuser-Busch) apparently believes he embodies something called “A Taste Worth More”.

When the advertising geniuses on Madison Avenue are trying to come up with ways to persuade gullible consumers to part with hard-earned cash for a product, their ideas don’t seem to be rooted much in reality. How else to explain Beckham fronting a McDonald’s ad that is also in heavy rotation during the live coverage on Fox television? This bit is based upon the premise that he’s rocking up to the drive-through and ordering a special meal in the hope that he gets to collect a commemorative cup bearing his own face and name as a World Cup legend. He played in three tournaments, did fine overall, but legend? Come off it.

In these matters of course, style matters a lot more than substance. Nineteen years have passed since Beckham signed a contract with the Los Angeles Galaxy. A questionable football move, an inspired commercial decision. Already weirdly more famous than any European footballer in the US due to his marriage to a Spice Girl and the impact of Bend it like Beckham, a movie in which he mostly features on posters, decamping to California put him in a position to go full-blown Hollywood.

The avaricious way in which he capitalised on all subsequent commercial opportunities that came with celebrity of that wattage explains why he may be making more money out of this World Cup than any of the players participating in it. He’s certainly done a lot more ads than any of those who still have boots on.

“Maybe he’ll build it like Beckham,” says one of the supporting actors in a commercial for Home Depot, America’s DIY superstore. Some bright spark in that operation figured that, in this time of economic inflation, the best way to drum up custom in a World Cup year was to have a retired footballer filmed walking around one of their cavernous shops, picking up timber and paint as if readying himself for extreme makeover backyard edition. Nothing says home improvement on a budget like a billionaire athlete cosplaying at being his own construction worker. Who do they think falls for this guff?

Well, the algorithms must be telling them somebody does because there is no let-up from the relentless hawking. There appears to be nothing the most handsome Arthur Daley ever won’t try to shift. In a spot for Lay’s potato chips (American for crisps), joined by Will Ferrell and the retired NFL great Marshawn Lynch, he ends up driving a literal bandwagon of supporters. Moments later, he’s using grainy home movie footage of his own life to extol the virtues of Bank of America, asking children, presumably: “What would you like the power to do?” Maybe they’d like him to stop trying to sell happy meals, junk food and beer, for starters?

His plugging portfolio is so ridiculously overstuffed that Gruen, an Australian television show, recently did a hilarious takedown of how Beckham has put his name to a product for just about every moment of his day. From showering to sipping coffee to wearing Bowers & Wilkins Px8 S2 headphones when walking the dogs, he is flogging something to cover nearly all aspects of human existence. “No one can brand it like Beckham,” said presenter Wil Anderson before spending three minutes running through and mocking his commercial catalogue right until bedtime.

“Finally, at 9pm he achieves his final form and becomes a cosmic beam of pure red-hot advertising,” said Anderson. “Slow down Golden Balls, you’ve flogged yourself all day. It’s time to sleep ... in an ad [for Tempur mattresses].”

[ There’s a whiff of ancient Rome about the Beckham family feudOpens in new window ]

Of course, perhaps the saddest shakedown of the tournament features the lesser-known Beckham. In an ad for DoorDash, Brooklyn, famous only for being the son of David, looks at the camera and says: “You’re probably wondering why I’m watching the Fifa World Cup 2026 from home.” There follows a sly grin before the micro-celebrity declares: “It’s a long story.” The scallywag scion is wringing a few quid out of the ongoing public feud between himself, his missus and his parents. The apple didn’t fall far ...

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